Okaayyyyy well I had a busy last few days and didn’t get to update.  Already starting to forget some details (really, as much detail as I put in here, maybe that’s actually a good thing).  And forgetting the updates I wanted to post after I finally finished my ER tale.  So I better hurry up and get to typing.

So I finally settled into my room.  They gave me a lovely hospital gown and said to undress completely except I could keep panties on (for now).  And socks…’cause I asked.

It’s already getting fuzzy, but I think before we met any medical people, registration came in and got some info, then collected our copay.  They get right to it. ;P  Whatever, I was glad to get it over with.

Finally, the Dr (Dr. Nelson) came in and introduced himself.  Explained some of what we’d been doing.  One of the things he talked about was how in the early stages of pregnancy, a beta is the best gauge of how the baby is doing, and I should go back for another in 3 days.  I wondered if I’d really need one if the ultrasound looks fine, but whatever (later nurse at my obgyn’s office confirmed that I did not need another beta…which made sense because the baby measured almost bang on on the ultrasound, but more on that later).

The Dr talked about some other things that I can’t remember, mostly about the tests that they’d be doing.  And also about how, in general, [bad] things that happen in early pregnancy (basically, before viability) can’t be prevented (I know that).  But I just needed to know that things were fine.  In the waiting room, I was having occasional waves of guilt for even being there.  Because, like he said, it’s not like anything changes the outcome.  But Pete reassured me it was the right thing, and I reminded myself of what the on-call nurse told me over the phone about being seen.

After the Dr stepped out, we waited a while.  Then someone came to wheel me off (in my hospital bed) to radiology for the ultrasound.  Under different circumstances, that might have been fun.  I was a little bit nervous, but by this point, largely clinging to the hope that I had earlier in the week.  I was weirdly optimistic.  Or maybe just hopeful, I don’t know.  I know Pete was nervous.

The sonographer came in shortly after I got my room and put some warm (as in, they’d been in a warmer or a dryer or something; they weren’t especially warm by themselves) blankets over my legs.  Which I very much appreciated.  The person who took me to my room in the ER said he’d bring me blankets, but he apparently forgot–and I wasn’t bothered enough to ask for them.  Anyway, the sonographer said she’d go over my belly first, then we’d do it vaginally.  Yeyyyy.  I fully expected to need to do the vaginal one, but thankfully!!! she said I was thin enough, plus my bladder was full enough (I felt like I might pop, but it turned out to be very fortunate that I waited to go), that she could get a good picture of everything she needed over my belly.  They jelly was also warmed…amazing!  I’m not sure I’ve had that before.  It’s the little things.

She immediately started measuring the baby.  The monitor was kind of at an angle from my perspective at this point, but I could still see.  This was the good machine, not the portable type in my obgyn’s office.  She took a number of measurements and said (I think it was at this point that she told us) that the baby measured 8 weeks plus 4 days.  Which sounded great to me because I was 8 weeks plus 5 days based on my LMP (last menstrual period).  Then she looked for the heartbeat.  I was pretty sure I saw it, and I’m pretty sure I was smiling (in that wide-eyed, “please let it be” kind of way).  Then she turned the monitor to be a better viewing angle for Pete and me.  Once she said “there’s the heartbeat,” Pete leaned into my shoulder and broke into tears.  Then I couldn’t hold mine in anymore (that I didn’t even know I was still holding).  I held onto his head from my hospital bed and watched that beautiful heartbeat while tears silently escaped down the sides of my face.  She measured the heart rate by ultrasound, which was 171 bpm.  It was a very touching moment that brought us lots of comfort.  I hear from some mommas, like on the ttc/pregnancy forums, about how their spouses aren’t as affected by their miscarriages.  But mine affected us both deeply.  Pete and I both love this baby sooo so much already.  But it was a blessing to see it in my husband in a tangible way, even though the circumstances were far from ideal.

After all that, we kind of wanted to snap a picture of the screen with the phone camera.  Pete was too busy crying and being relieved at the time to take a picture.  So the sonographer kindly went back and brought the baby back up on the screen so we could have a picture.  (We wanted one partly because hey it’s our baby of course we want a keepsake.  But also, as encouraged and relieved as we were, there is also this feeling of wanting a picture…just in case it turns out to be the only thing about our baby that we get to see and hold.)  Anyway, here’s a picture. 🙂

The littlest Baby G at 8 weeks + 5 days

You can see the little arms and legs just beginning to sprout. 🙂

Finally I was wheeled back to Emergency Room 15 where they had everything set out for my pelvic exam.  Oh joy.  I’d seen my baby on that screen doing fine, so I was feeling pretty fine and ready to go home–ha.  But if I sat there and thought about it, I could start to count all the reasons why I still needed some other things checked out.

First things first.  I HAD TO PEE.  No way was I going to survive a pelvic exam without first emptying my bladder.  After reassuring the girl that it would be no trouble for me to walk there, I pulled my sweatpants back on, put my jacket on over my hospital gown…realized I did not want to be in a bathroom without shoes, so slid my shoes on….  Then finally…finally….  It felt like the first Austin Powers movie when he first came out of cryo.  But it probably wasn’t really.  Then I went back to my room.  And undressed again.  A nurse hooked me up to an automatic blood pressure cuff and a put a pulse monitor on my finger.  These were disposable type ones, which I’d not seen before.  The pulse monitor in particular was kind of fascinating because it was kinda like a band-aid, but it kinda made my finger glow like E.T.

The monitor with my vitals was behind me, so I kinda craned my neck around to see it.  My blood pressure was 111/55…really????  I’ve never had a reading that low.  Maybe I was super chill after being in the hospital for a while and finally seeing that my baby is fine.  Or maybe those disposable cuffs aren’t quite ideal.  My pulse was steady around 80 bpm.

At last the Dr came in and I really can’t remember now if we talked first or if he did the exam first.  I think he did the exam first.  Pete was alarmed because a lot of stuff had just been sitting out on a tray uncovered, including the lube for the pelvic exam.  He asked the Dr, who reassured us that it is really fine.  The speculum was wrapped also.  There was a lot of stuff on that tray and honestly I didn’t know what a lot of it was for!  I didn’t know what was going up where!  Okay, I knew the where, but not the what.

I had some weird feelings about having a pelvic exam by an ER doctor.  I know it was silly, but it was strange.  My new obgyn is the first male obgyn I’ve had.  Which wasn’t my first pick at first, but I went with him because he came so highly recommended by so many people.  But now here’s a male doctor who isn’t even an obgyn.  It was fine though, about as fine as a pelvic exam can be.  He checked my cervix, then did something else…I almost wonder if he did a pap?  Felt a couple of small pinches like he was getting samples.  I haven’t heard for sure what that was yet.  (I actually just messaged my obgyn’s office to ask since I was supposed to update them anyway on how I’m doing.)

After, the doctor said he had about the best news he could offer me, since baby was looking fine.  My urine culture was negative, which I was halfway disappointed about since I almost hoped it was all a sneaky UTI.  My cervix was closed also, so another good sign.  The diagnosis was a “small” subchorionic hemorrhage.  Basically some bleeding in there that may turn out fine, but he reminded me that before 22 weeks, there’s nothing they can do.  I guess I know they have to say this stuff, but it’s kind of annoying to keep hearing when it’s not like I don’t already know.  The doctor pretty much said no strenuous exercise, like no Crossfit (ha!), no weightlifting, and really no lifting anything over 25 lbs (a certain cute 31-pound 3 year-old comes to mind).

I joked to the Dr how it’s hard to believe I don’t do any weightlifting with “these guns” (pointing to my biceps).  He said, “yeah, I thought I might have to go and get some bandages . . . because you’re so cut up.” LOLOLOL

Of course, even though I know better, I had to consult “Dr Google” about my diagnosis.  The thing about consulting Dr. Google is, if you’re not careful, you’ll wind up sure you’re dying.  I try to use my brain filter, which helps to a point, but I am ignorant enough about this specific topic, I wasn’t totally sure how concerned I should be.  Some stuff said it doesn’t increase the risk of miscarriage, it just either passes or reabsorbs.  Other stuff says it can increase the risk of miscarriage depending on the size of the hematoma, maternal age, and such.  And other stuff goes on how it can cause things like pre-term birth and placental abruption.  Still, I got the sense that those are probably not likely scenarios, and the Dr did say mine was small…but I didn’t know how small.

We left the ER approximately 5 hours after we got there.  Feeling very blessed and reassured, but also a bit scared and uncertain.

I got a chance to talk to the nurse at my Dr’s office the following Monday afternoon, where I’ll pick up on my next post (a belated 9 weeks post).