Basically this whole write up will be TMI for a lot of people, so I’ll go ahead and say, if you don’t like details, don’t click past the break.\u00a0 Everything before the break should be safe.\u00a0 So spoiler alert: everything is fine…right now.\u00a0 Baby looks perfect.\u00a0 Was diagnosed with a “small” subchorionic hemorrhage.\u00a0 Which, from what I can gather, may turn out fine in the end.\u00a0 But it’s still a higher risk situation.\u00a0 So we’re happy to know there’s a healthy baby in there, but scared about the possibilities, especially since our hearts are in our throats as it is.\u00a0 I hope to know more after I get a chance to talk to my obgyn’s office tomorrow.\u00a0 (Actually, this is getting really long, and I didn’t quite have time to finish, so I’ll be splitting this into at least 2 posts.)<\/p>\n
It all started yesterday (Saturday) morning.\u00a0 Maybe.\u00a0 There was something kind of questionable that happened on Thursday, but I wasn’t totally sure because it was hardly anything in dark beige underwear.\u00a0 Everything seemed totally normal after that one bathroom visit, so I thought maybe I was over-analyzing.\u00a0 Though it was really scary since my miscarriage started with a tiny bit of beige spotting.<\/p>\n
(Last TMI warning.)\u00a0 Friday night, I was encouraged that everything was normal again (any discharge was totally clear).\u00a0 But that evening, I was really, really tired.\u00a0 Not anything atypical for me when I’m pregnant though.\u00a0 The symptoms seem to go in waves this time.\u00a0 I actually went to bed at 8:00, even before we managed to get S in bed (though her bedtime is supposed to be 8).\u00a0 I was bad and I didn’t even brush my teeth or wash my face.\u00a0 I didn’t change out of my clothes.\u00a0 That much was unusual.\u00a0 I was just that exhausted.\u00a0 I fell asleep pretty easily.\u00a0 I had told S before I fell asleep (not expecting to fall asleep so quickly) that she could cuddle in my bed with me before she went to her own bed.\u00a0 I thought it would appease her since she’s really wanted her mommy time lately, and we normally have some cuddle time before she goes to bed.\u00a0 So I’m blissfully asleep, and in comes a still-wired 3 year-old.\u00a0 Daddy kind of missed the part that she could cuddle with me for a LITTLE WHILE.\u00a0 And I was too tired to actually get her up and put her in her own bed.\u00a0 So I thought maybe…maybe…she would fall asleep in bed with me, and Pete could just move her when he came to bed.\u00a0 Somehow (maybe I dozed off a bit off and on after all), an hour and 45 minutes went by, and I still had a cuddly but wiggly girl in my bed, and I was still not asleep.\u00a0 I called for Pete to take Shi to her bed.\u00a0 He did.\u00a0 And I finally wound down enough to fall back asleep.<\/p>\n
And I woke up again at 1 am.\u00a0 It had to have been around 4 am before I could fall asleep again.\u00a0 Then I had yet another miscarriage dream, and this one felt totally real with no clues, like nothing ridiculous, to tip me off that it was “just” a dream.\u00a0 My alarm went off at 7, and really I should have gotten up promptly because I had to be at work and ready to roll for a 9 am patient.\u00a0 But I was still exhausted and totally ticked that my effort to get to bed early enough to get good rest was a total waste.\u00a0 I probably would have gotten better sleep if I’d stayed up late.\u00a0 I finally rolled out of bed at around 7:30, and by that point I was in a rush.\u00a0 When I got dressed, I put on white underwear (I wear my white and light colors as much as possible now so I can monitor for any bleeding).\u00a0 When I went to the bathroom before I left for work (was in total scramble mode by this point), I saw there was a teeny tiny spot of red blood.\u00a0 Not dark red, but kind of a light red, like it was mixed with mucus.\u00a0 My heart totally sank, but I didn’t even have time to totally process anything.\u00a0 I called Pete in to see, swore I’d keep an eye on it, and ran out the door.\u00a0 I also mentioned that if it becomes apparent that we are losing this baby, I was really not going to be in the mood to be around people.\u00a0 Which felt kind of lousy because Pete’s dad was coming in to visit for the day.\u00a0 But I really didn’t think I could handle doing anything but sitting in a dark room by myself.\u00a0 And maybe with Pete because he said he wouldn’t be able to leave my side.<\/p>\n
On my way to work, I couldn’t totally stop the tears from flowing.\u00a0 Thank God for waterproof eye makeup.\u00a0 I went to the bathroom when I got to work, and nothing more had happened.\u00a0 Which really offered little in the way of comfort, but what could I do.\u00a0 My schedule originally allowed for a break in the middle, at which point I planned to go to the bathroom to do another “blood check” and then evaluate how I would handle the rest of my day.\u00a0 My break…did not happen.\u00a0 Nothing happened when I checked before my first patient, and I didn’t think I felt anything…or maybe I felt a tiny bit of something.\u00a0 I didn’t know.\u00a0 I couldn’t really overthink it too much because anytime there is a tiny bit of normal type discharge, I’m convinced it’s blood until I can look and see otherwise.\u00a0 But until now, it never was.\u00a0 I went to the bathroom when I was finished with patients and charts were completed and signed.\u00a0 And there was a bit more.\u00a0 Still kind of a light red, like thin streaks in mucus again.\u00a0 And when I wiped, there was another thin streak of blood.\u00a0 A part of me was falling apart on the inside, but a part of me was still really hopeful.<\/p>\n
After Saturday, I’m really thinking it probably was, in fact, a tiny bit of blood in my underwear on Thursday.\u00a0 It was hard to tell because it had already turned kind of brown, and it was on the tan-colored underwear.\u00a0 But it still looked different than regular discharge.\u00a0 It had that same kind of scant, blotchy appearance to it.\u00a0 I ran to the bathroom a couple of times for blood checks that afternoon.\u00a0 The first time in particular, I prayed prayed prayed that all would be well with this baby.\u00a0 When I was miscarrying with my last pregnancy, I prayed harder than I ever have in my life.\u00a0 Constantly crying out to God, eyes full of tears.\u00a0 As I prayed so fervently for a healthy baby, in my heart I felt that God was telling me, “Sorry, but no.”\u00a0 This time, as I prayed, I got this sense of, “This time, it’s going to be okay.”\u00a0 Which I wasn’t even really expecting.\u00a0 It’s totally against my worrywart nature.\u00a0 I didn’t bleed any more that day.\u00a0 I told a dear friend about what had happened and the sense of peace I had gotten.\u00a0 But I told her how really I am not all that spiritually disciplined to know what I’m hearing.\u00a0 It could well have been my own wishful thinking.\u00a0 Her reply really struck me, and I don’t think she really meant for it to when she said it (I don’t know, maybe she did).\u00a0 But she just plainly said, “That’s great that you’re hearing from the Lord.”\u00a0 Like that was for sure what it was.\u00a0 I wished I could really trust with my whole heart that that is what it was.\u00a0 (Last night, when Pete and I were going home from dinner after finally leaving the hospital, I was relaying this to Pete.\u00a0 He said something that struck me too.\u00a0 I can’t remember his exact words, but the gist was that we often make the mistake of thinking it’s up to us (i.e. our own discipline and relationship with God) to be able to hear from Him.\u00a0 But really, if God wants us to hear something clearly from him, He’s God.\u00a0 We’ll hear it.\u00a0 Perhaps it is only up to us to have the faith to trust that it is from Him.<\/p>\n
Anyway, I was there in the bathroom at work.\u00a0 And I was terrified.\u00a0 But I still had this lingering hope that maybe I did in fact hear from the Lord and this baby would be okay.\u00a0 Still, I was bleeding.\u00a0 Which while sometimes okay, it’s never good.\u00a0 So I first called and cancelled my afternoon at my other office (which sucks to do, but it was the right thing).\u00a0 Then I phoned the nurse on-call.\u00a0 Honestly, I HATE the new Dr’s office after-hours system (it was my first time using it).\u00a0 At my old Dr’s office, if you called after-hours and stayed on to get the answering service, they would have the doctor on-call return your call.\u00a0 At this place, I talk to the answering service, then they put me through to the nurse operator (system-wide) who takes down some of my info (contact info, the basics of my symptoms), then they put me through to ANOTHER nurse (system-wide) who collects more information about my symptoms.\u00a0 THEN I wait for yet another nurse (presumably also system-wide) to call me back.\u00a0 I was told it would be about 30 minutes.\u00a0 I turned my ringer ALL THE WAY up (it gets loud) and avoided making phone calls even though on my cell phone I should see\/hear if I’m getting another call.\u00a0 But I did NOT want to miss this phone call.\u00a0 I stalled for a bit in the work parking lot since it’s not far from the hospital and I didn’t want to drive all the way home just to come practically all the way back.\u00a0 I was hungry though, and it was lunch time.\u00a0 I hardly felt like I could eat though because in spite of being hungry, I had no real appetite.\u00a0 But baby’s gotta eat.\u00a0 I thought maybe I could find a place close by with something I could stomach.\u00a0 I had been texting Pete, but then I put the phone aside while I was driving.\u00a0 He texted me again about something to do with S, so I pulled into a parking lot (incidentally, the parking lot of the building where my obgyn’s office is, which is right next to the hospital) to text him back.\u00a0 I was in the middle of texting him when I got a voice mail on my phone.\u00a0 It never rang.\u00a0 It had been about 20-25 minutes, so I was like ohhhh no.\u00a0 I listened to my voice mail, and sure enough, I missed the nurse call-back.\u00a0 She said if I still needed help I should call back.\u00a0 So I had to start the entire process ALL OVER AGAIN.\u00a0 I was so frustrated.\u00a0 At least they already had my notes in the computer so they could move me along faster.\u00a0 And this time I provided Pete’s number as an alternate in case something similar happened again.\u00a0 I drove home.<\/p>\n
Meanwhile, Pete’s dad got lunch for Pete and S, and maybe himself.\u00a0 I preferred to fend for myself for food.\u00a0 I still hadn’t figured out what I could stomach.\u00a0 Also, I didn’t reply to Pete’s texts about what to eat because I didn’t want to do ANYTHING that might prevent me from getting a call.\u00a0 Pete’s dad was still gone when I got home.\u00a0 So I parked and went to bed.\u00a0 I felt bad that Pete’s dad didn’t get much time with S.\u00a0 And S didn’t get much time with her Grandpa Greg.\u00a0 But I didn’t even know what I was going to need to do.\u00a0 They all respected my wishes for privacy and even said their goodbyes outside.\u00a0 I felt bad.<\/p>\n
I crashed at home for a few minutes, and I started getting restless because I hadn’t gotten a call back yet.\u00a0 Pete said at 40 minutes he was calling back.\u00a0 I was like no, 30 minutes is probably their best guess.\u00a0 Stuff happens.\u00a0 But I did think at least by 1 hour we should call back.\u00a0 Somewhere around 40-45 minutes, Pete’s phone rang.\u00a0 It was the nurse.\u00a0 He handed the phone to me.\u00a0 I described some of what was happening and answered her questions.\u00a0 She said in the Dr’s notes, if there’s a confirmed pregnancy and you’re 2 weeks or more past your missed period, any bleeding means I should be seen within 24 hours.\u00a0 She also said I could wait until Monday and call my Dr then if I wanted.\u00a0 I did NOT want to wait.\u00a0 I’d go crazy over the weekend.\u00a0 I definitely didn’t want to do anything against medical advice either.\u00a0 So I asked where do I go being the weekend.\u00a0 She said the ER, as urgent care wouldn’t have the ultrasound equipment we’d need.\u00a0 Part of me still felt silly.\u00a0 Because I knew if something were going wrong, it’s not like anything could be done to stop it.\u00a0 But I needed answers and, God willing, peace of mind.\u00a0 And the doctor’s notes said to do it, so I felt that that made it easy to know that we were doing the right thing.<\/p>\n
Pete called my parents and brought them up to speed (I still didn’t feel like talking).\u00a0 He took S over to their house, then came back.\u00a0 We packed up our lunches and some snacks and left for the hospital.<\/p>\n
To be continued.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Basically this whole write up will be TMI for a lot of people, so I’ll go ahead and say, if you don’t like details, don’t click past the break.\u00a0 Everything before the break should be safe.\u00a0 So spoiler alert: everything is fine…right now.\u00a0 Baby looks perfect.\u00a0 Was diagnosed with a “small” subchorionic hemorrhage.\u00a0 Which, from […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/774"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=774"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/774\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":783,"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/774\/revisions\/783"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=774"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=774"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/babyg.brainstormwarning.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=774"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}